Well…
We’re back.
And somehow, despite doing absolutely everything in my power to make some questionable football predictions, Walsh’s Winners went 11-5 in Week 1.
Not bad.
Could it have been better?
Absolutely.
Could it have been much, much worse?
Also absolutely.
But 11-5 is 11-5, and I will be taking absolutely no criticism at this time.
So let’s take a look at how we got here.
THE GOOD
DAAAA BEARS 🐻
I picked Chicago over Carolina.
Chicago won 59-37.
Fifty-nine fucking points.
I didn’t even pick the Bears because I thought they were going to score 59 points. If I did, I would currently be writing this article from a yacht.
Caleb Williams looked fantastic, the Bears’ offense went absolutely nuclear, and D’Andre Swift decided he was going to personally ruin the Panthers’ Sunday.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
Baltimore Ravens
I said Baltimore was going to handle Indianapolis.
They did.
41-23.
Derrick Henry scored three touchdowns because apparently the man has decided that aging is optional.
Pretty comfortable pick.
Never doubted it.
Definitely didn’t spend any time wondering what the hell I was doing when the Colts were hanging around.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
Jacksonville Jaguars
This one was actually pretty easy.
I said the Jaguars were the better team.
They were and it was obvious from the start.
Jacksonville beat Cleveland 34-10, and Trevor Lawrence threw four touchdown passes. He could be a dark horse for MVP if he keeps playing like he did in week 1.
Meanwhile, Cleveland spent most of the afternoon looking like a team that accidentally wandered onto the wrong field.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
Cincinnati Bengals
I called this one a shootout.
It was.
Cincinnati beat Tampa Bay 33-27, so Joe Burrow and company did exactly what I expected them to do.
Sometimes I actually know what I’m talking about.
It’s rare.
But it happens.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
Buffalo Bills
This was one of my favorite picks of the week.
And it nearly blew up in my face.
Buffalo beat Houston 36-31, with Josh Allen accounting for four touchdowns.
This game had everything.
Big plays.
Quarterback heroics.
A late game-winning touchdown.
And me repeatedly wondering why I decided to put my reputation on the line for a football game between two teams that apparently hate making things easy.
But hey…
Nobody circles the wagons like Buffalo.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
Philadelphia Eagles
Obviously.
Come on.
If you thought I was picking against the Eagles in Week 1, you clearly don’t know me.
Philadelphia beat Washington 24-22, and while it wasn’t exactly the stress-free afternoon I ordered, a win is a win.
Jalen Hurts did his thing.
The Eagles survived.
And most importantly…
Go Birds, dickhead.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
New York Giants
This one might be my favorite pick of the entire week.
I picked the Giants.
They beat Dallas 28-20.
THE COWBOYS LOST.
I don’t care about anything else.
Beautiful.
Perfect.
Cinema.
I said something stupid was almost guaranteed to happen in Cowboys-Giants.
Something stupid happened.
Except this time, it happened to Dallas.
Couldn’t have scripted it better myself.
Walsh’s Winner: Win
THE BAD
Now we get to the part where I pretend these losses were actually very smart predictions that just didn’t work out.
New England Patriots
I picked the Patriots over Seattle.
Seattle won 13-10.
The Patriots led 10-0.
So naturally, I felt pretty good about myself.
And then everything went to hell.
Drake Maye threw three interceptions, Seattle came back, and the Seahawks stole the game. They even did it without Sam Darnold.
So that’s one in the L column.
Walsh’s Winner: Loser
We’ll call this one a “learning experience.”
Whatever the hell that means.
Los Angeles Rams
I picked the Rams in Australia.
The 49ers won 27-7.
Not exactly a nail-biter.
Not exactly a coin flip.
Not exactly “I can defend this pick.”
The Rams got their asses kicked.
Brock Purdy looked great, San Francisco’s defense was flying around, and suddenly my very confident Rams prediction looked like something I wrote after three beers.
In all fairness I made this pick before I knew about the Rams travel arrangements that’s my excuse.
Walsh’s Winner: Loser
Also, can we stop with the games in other countries already. Enough is enough.
Tennessee Titans
This one was ugly.
I picked Tennessee.
The Jets won 23-10.
I said I trusted Cam Ward more than I trusted the Jets.
Apparently I should have trusted neither.
The Jets actually looked competent, which is probably the most offensive part of this entire result.
Walsh’s Winner: Loser
We’re going to pretend this never happened.
Los Angeles Chargers
I picked the Chargers.
The Cardinals won 26-14.
I even threw Madison Beer into the article for a joke about Justin Herbert. Clearly she is more than capable than distracting him because the Chargers looked bad.
Maybe I should have spent less time worrying about Madison Beer and more time worrying about Arizona.
Just a thought.
Shoutout J-Love for having a great start to his rookie season representing the Fighting Irish.
Walsh’s Winner: Loser
Green Bay Packers
I picked Green Bay.
Minnesota won 39-22.
Yeah.
That didn’t go particularly well.
Justin Jefferson had himself a day, the Vikings put up 39 points, and the Packers spent the afternoon making me question why I ever trusted Jordan Love.
Was this the start of the Carson Wentz redemption arc?
Walsh’s Winner: Loser
FINAL THOUGHT
Look, 11-5 isn’t perfect.
But it’s a hell of a start.
We got some right.
We got some wrong.
We learned absolutely nothing.
And most importantly, football is finally back.
That’s really what this is all about.
Every week I’m going to sit here, convince myself I know more about football than the people actually paid to coach it, make a bunch of picks, and then spend the following week explaining why the picks that lost were actually still good picks.
That’s the beauty of Walsh’s Winners.
We’re not here to be perfect.
We’re here to be right more often than we’re wrong.
And after Week 1?
11-5 ain’t too fucking bad.
See you in Week 2.
Hopefully with a little money in our pockets.
And hopefully with the Cowboys still losing.
Overall Record: 11-5
-Walsh
The Philly Phan Cave 
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